With Mother’s Day approaching, I become quite nostalgic about the mothers in my life. I become even more retrospective about having boys and being a mother to Clark and Stone. I so badly wanted to be pregnant with a girl. It was truly my heart’s desire. See, I waited to learn the gender of my unborn child until the day I went into labor. There are only a few good surprises in life and with the many L’s I’ve taken in my life, I wanted to experience the good for a change.
Needless to say, when I discovered I was pregnant with boys twice, it was quite the surprise. I began my motherhood journey quite shocked and wondering if I was cut out to be a boy mama. Since then, I’ve discovered God doesn’t make mistakes and I was born to be a boy mom. I mean, I’ve always been a bit of a tomboy and I even have a handful of guy best friends. They confide in me and vice versa. I’ve always been the guys’ girl so to speak. However, I have to say as a boy mama, I have learned so much about men while raising Clark and Stone. I’ve learned quite a bit from raising boys about myself and my relationship with men. It’s honestly fascinating what having kids can teach you about yourself.
With Mother’s Day right around the corner, I hope this blog post brings insight to you as well.
What I’ve Learned From Having Boys
Boys Are Sensitive
I don’t think I ever took this into consideration before becoming a mother of two boys. Clark and Stone both have this personality trait. It reminds me to be softer and gentler with them. I’m careful with my words and conscious of how my words may fall on them. I’m quick to apologize and ask for forgiveness when I hurt their feelings. There are just times when I think I’m being funny and not realizing I’m making fun of them and hurting their feelings. I don’t brush them off with “get over it”. I listen to their feelings and I let them know I hear them.
My boys cry a lot. They cry when they are hurt, when they are frustrated and when they are angry. And, it’s okay. When they are crying, I immediately ask them if they are hurt. It’s okay to cry when you are hurt. However, if they are not hurt, I want them to use their words. I got this from their teacher, Ms. Val, at Lincoln Park Preschool and it has stuck with me ever since.
I think it’s so important for mothers to teach their boys that it’s okay to cry. That it’s okay to be sad, mad, frustrated or angry. It’s how you manage those feelings that make a difference. I’m teaching my boys that it’s okay to be vulnerable. Crying is okay when you are hurt. It’s okay to cry. Boys cry!
Boys Love Their Mamas
This is a shocker. I think this is what I feared when I gave birth to two boys – I assumed boys would be connected more to their father and girls to their mothers. I thought I would miss out on being super close to my children if they were the opposite sex. Truth is, the boys and I have the coolest relationship. They are my minis and best friends. Clark told me who he wants to be his “girlfriend”. I felt so special that he trusted me enough to tell me.
See, this is the relationship I am trying to cultivate with them for the rest of their lives. I hope they continue to confide in me and love me unconditionally. I hope they continue to “talk” to me. I’m constantly wondering at what age do boys turn into men that don’t want to communicate. Because as of now, they talk to me nonstop. They tell me I’m pretty, they want to have sleepovers with me and they give me tons of hugs and kisses. It’s the best.
Boys Are Fun
I learned this around the time I started high school. This is around the time when I started becoming close friends with guys. It was always easy with guys. Little to no drama, accountability out of the gate if they hurt me and the friendship completely intact.I have so much fun with Clark and Stone. Sometimes, we have too much fun. They have loads of energy but when I’m in the mood to have fun we go all out. Dance parties are the best with Clark and Stone. They love music from both me and their father. But, it’s my love for hip hop that they will forever have from their mama. I remember how much fun it was for me to play an old LL Cool J song for them. Michael Jackson was my favorite artist when I was a kid and he has quickly become theirs, too.
I am also a die-hard basketball fan and I have so much fun sharing this sport with them. I mean, I don’t know a bigger Michael Jordan fan than Stone. He is obsessed with Michael Jordan. We have probably watched SpaceJam 50 times in the past two years. Add another 25 times for Thunderstruck with Kevin Durant. I love how much they love basketball. I’ve learned so much about the younger players solely because I am a mother of two boys. I love taking them to basketball games. It’s pure heaven sharing my love of the game with my boys. It’s so much fun and they are so much fun.
Boys Need a Lot of Attention
My little boys will one day become young men. It’s because I’ve learned how sensitive they are that I now know I can’t ever think they will be fine without me loving on them. Boys need to know they are loved. This actually goes for all children, but I think society takes this for granted when it comes to boys. They are actually told not to cry, not to share their feelings and not to be sensitive. Boys need to know they can be all these things and still grow up to be powerful men.
I think it is because of society teaching men to suppress all these things that have created so many problems amongst men and women. We are constantly in a power struggle. It’s hard to define gender roles these days. We have created so many boxes for men to check to qualify to be a man yet, we don’t give them the attention they need and deserve from women. I’m not saying you should coddle your boys. One more “mama’s boy” is the last thing our society needs. I’m raising a new breed of “mama’s boys”. I’m giving Clark and Stone the love and attention they deserve that will empower them to empower women. In doing this, I’m raising them to be self-sufficient, kind, loving and sensitive men through the attention I give them.
It’s so important for me to be the foundation in teaching them what love looks and feels like. After all, I love my boys.
Boy Mama Joy
I never in a million years thought I would find great joy in being a mama to two boys. Being a mother to Clark and Stone has been by far, the best/hardest job I’ve ever had in life. Yet, I wouldn’t trade it for anything in this world. They have taught me so much about men, love and motherhood. And I love them even more because of it.
Happy Mother’s Day to all the mamas. It’s a day to be celebrated. My wish for you is that Mother’s Day is extra special!