Happy Mother’s Day!!!
Mother’s Day is such a beautiful holiday to be celebrated, especially since we all have one in some capacity. This will be my 5th Mother’s Day as a mom, which I’m so grateful for. It’s a day that you are celebrated, pampered (I hope), appreciated, and loved by your children. However, celebrating as a mother isn’t a blessing we are all given and celebrating with your mother isn’t always possible. Hence, me being a bittersweet mama and wanting to talk about dealing with bittersweet Mother’s Day feelings.
My mother passed away June 2008. I was devastated. I actually didn’t see it coming although the doctor had given us a 10-year lifespan with her heart condition, and it left me completely lost! The rug had been swept from under me. Everyone tried to offer comfort. I was not alone but I felt alone. And I know I’m not alone in this club of celebrating Mother’s Day without my mother. However, it still stings quite a bit.
I am a mother of two beautiful boys, Clark and Stone, yet, daydreams of celebrating with grandma, nanna, mimi or whichever term of endearment she would’ve chosen isn’t possible. The boys know all about my mother as I keep her legacy alive with stories and pictures of her, but, I wish dearly they could have time with her. If you are in my shoes this year, know you are not alone. Have a special day with your family. Treat yourself! Decide what you would like to spend the day doing. Each year gets better than the last. Bittersweet is how each year becomes.
After my mother passed away, I became obsessed with getting pregnant and starting our family. Motherhood was something I longed for way before I met my husband. I no longer wanted to grieve, I wanted a baby. My husband and I tried to get pregnant for a year before turning to a reproductive endocrinologist. Add an additional 9 months of trying to conceive with assisted reproductive technology. FET (Frozen Embryo Transfer) was the method that allowed me to get pregnant with Clark. Stone, like his personality, came without any assistance.
However, until God granted my will with two beautiful babies, I struggled with Mother’s Day. You see Mother’s Day isn’t rainbows and roses when you are dealing with infertility. It’s an ax in your heart. You see the joy in someone elses’ eyes that you so deeply yearn for. I am here to say I know how you feel. You too should treat yourself too. The simple desire of wanting to become a mother or having a mothering spirit is something to celebrate. Celebrate! It’s hard, I know, but you can do it. You deserve it! Treat yourself and love yourself on this day.
Sharing is caring, right! I decided to get up and personal about my natural feelings towards Mother’s Day. Recently, I sat back and looked at my Instagram feed. My life looks pretty amazing from the outside, I thought. In fact, it looks perfect – but it’s not. Taking a step back to reflect on how my Mother’s Day has gotten easier over the last nine years reminded me where I started. In a world of pretty pictures and instant gratification, I hope this post reaches and touches the mama that is having a bittersweet Mother’s Day.
To lighten your spirit, I am sharing my Mother’s Day wish list items. Enjoy!
Happy Mother’s Day!
All outfits are previously linked in previous posts on the blog
Photograpy with Clark and Stone: Hallie Duesenberg
Photography with my mother on my wedding day: Angela Swan